It's all in a Name

Funny how much a little piece of paper telling the world exactly who you are can make so much of a difference in your life. How that bit of paper can boost the confidence of a person and make the entire world to see them as they see themselves on the inside.

Several weeks ago I was called in for a job interview at Petco for the position of an assistant groomer. Basically,the position was a minimum wage, lackey position where you prayed that someday you’d be given the chance to advance within the company and make a decent paycheck at the end of the week. Regardless, I was excited at first and then I was struck with a sense of horror. Once again I was going to have to put on a play and pretend I was someone that I wasn’t. It would be okay, I had reassured myself, my family needed the money and working two jobs on top of college wouldn’t be too stressful. I could study during breaks at this position, everything would be great.  Everything on my resume looked good enough for them to call me in. An outgoing college student looking for work, great with animals having several of my own, this was going to be a positive thing.

Everything looked good on paper at least. I tried my best to look nice and “feminine” for the job interview. I wore a nice yellow blouse and black slacks and tried to make my short cut hair look as “girly” as possible, because at the time my legal name was still my worst enemy. It’s sad to say, but I think the hiring manager took one look at me and decided right there that I was not going to get this job. Over the phone she seemed extremely nice however, when I arrived at Petco for my interview her demeanor seemed to change.

There are some people that are horrible at faking a pleasant attitude, and then there are those that have been in customer service so long that faking pleasantries is like second nature. It seemed this woman was the latter of the two. I was promised a call back after a barely five minute interview. I waited longer for her to put up an animal she was grooming than the actual interview.  Needless to say, I never got the call back.  Shortly after this time, my world fell apart. I lost my home first then my job and was struggling with my grades, so calling them back just to be given the run around and lied to slipped my mind.

All of this because I failed an attempt to pretend I could match the identity given by my parents and proclaimed by my driver’s license, which at the time didn’t match who I am inside, who I am becoming outside. Now that this has changed I’ll be trying once more to find a job starting on Monday morning, this time with my documentation agreeing with my presentation. I won’t just be someone who looks good on paper but like a freak in person.