Several years back I remember having a conversation with my soon to be Mother-in-Law. Some people out there may cringe at the thought of the stereotypical Mother-in-Law, but I assure everyone that "Momma" is any but. We were talking about birthday's and how I hated mine of May 11, because it fell on Mother's Day and was over shadowed by what I considered to be a more important day. Momma told me that I should pick a new birthday, that I could celebrate it whenever I wanted to, and it never had to be on May 11th again.I've thought about it on and off since then and have never really been able to pick a date to celebrate my "birthday" but today and until the day I die, I shall celebrate my name day on March 1st.
My name is Aydan Keeley O'Connor, and today was truly the first day of the rest of my life. I am a 28 year old transsexual college student, struggling to raise my children, care for my family, and attend college all while transitioning from my birth sex of female to my appropriate sex of male. I am creating this journal and later a website (when I have the time, most likely summer vacation) to first educate people out there that think transsexuals are just having playtime. I assure you that this is most often not the case. I dare not say that this is never the case, because there are always going to be exceptions to the rule no matter what aspect of life you look at. Second, I would like to give hope to others like myself, whether FtM or MtF that they are not alone like I once thought I was. There are resources, support groups, and allies that are out there willing to connect with you, and waiting to accept and love you the way you are. I am not saying that the path of the transsexual is an easy one, but as my fiance says, nothing worth having is easy to get.
This morning at 9:00am I stood before a judge in Benton county Arkansas for the hearing on my name change petition. I had filed the petition the first week of February and to say that I was nervous would be a vast understatement. I made sure I was dressed in my finest outfit that said "I am a professional young man, please,please, please see that." Dress slacks, button down shirt, tie and even my favorite suspenders (Yes I love them!) and of course my lucky socks. Lucky Hello Kitty socks to be exact. Hey, guys can like Hello Kitty too! It isn't fair for one gender to monopolize the Kitty-Goodness.
I had run through a thousand different arguments that the judge could bring up not only with myself, but also with my fiance. I was prepared for anything that I thought the judge could ask me. From personal details about my transition to how this impacted my family. Even though I felt like a total mess, I was able to keep myself together and answer the question posed to me with honesty and confidence. Though my confidence was a bit shaky at first along with my words, I was able to calm my pounding heart and speak like a 28 year old man, instead of a frightened uncertain child.
In less than ten minutes the judge had signed my order and wished me luck along with a smile from the bailiff, my world suddenly changed. This was finally happening. I was taking one of the first major steps into becoming the man I know resides in this shell of a body. I thanked the judge and left the court room with my head held high, fighting back the tears of happiness in my eyes. As I rounded the corner of the hallway and saw my fiance and 8 year old son sitting on the bench waiting for me, I couldn't hold it anymore. I was laughing and crying and hugging them both all at the same time. My little Monkey told me "Now they have to treat you with insect Dad." He meant respect, and I just hugged him.
Next stop was the DMV to get my name on my license changed. I waited as paitently as I could until my number was called. I explained to the clerk what I wanted to do and gave her the paperwork. I asked her what it would take to get my gender marker on my license changed and she said "I can make it whatever you'd like me to." Of course I opted for my correct gender marker and walked out of the DMV with my new license proclaiming I am who I've always felt I am. A 28 year old male named Aydan.
After a wonderful lunch I stopped by the Social Security office to get my name changed on my social securtiy card. The clerk behind the counter assisted me with the name change, but appologized profusely that she could not yet change my gender marker on that document even though it was changed on my license. In order for that change I would need paperwork stating I had undergone SRS.
I told her it was okay, and no big deal. Oklahoma requires the same documentation for an ammended birth certificate. Besides, your social security card doesn't have your gender marker plastered on it like a driver's license does. I can wait a little while for that final marker to be changed, after all the day was already filled with so much excitement.
So, in less than four hours my life was given a bright new outlook. I never knew how important that single piece of paper or little ID card was until I was able to order a beer at lunch and proudly present my driver's license without the shame of having the improper name and gender on it.
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